Survivors Guilt

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Hearing London’s words from her father were like a knife to the gut. ET knew what she’d done would have an impact. Arya wasn’t one to keep herself from acting on her baser emotions. That much had been clear on the beach when ET had called her a crazy cunt.

In that moment she felt like it was her fault. Felt…knew. She knew it was her fault. Really both her mother from Earth and her mother from Seteri being killed were her fault. There was nothing she could find out that would change that for her. It was a simple fact.

It made her hope that she never got reincarnated again because if past evidence were anything to go on, giving birth to her was a curse. It lead to a painful death full of suffering. Having that knowledge would only keep her from doing what she needed to do though.

She sent a silent prayer to her mother’s spirit and begged for forgiveness. She sent out a plea to the datasphere and begged the reincarnation cycle to let both the spirits of the women that gave birth to her have peaceful happy lives for the rest of their days. It was a futile wish but she sent it out anyway.

As she climbed into the holon she sent out another prayer, this time directly to her mother and Raicho’s.

‘I’m sorry that you were put through the things you went through at Arya’s hands. I’m sorry for any pain or hurt I caused you when I was growing up. I hope you have more lives filled with love and happiness than pain that being my mother caused you. I loved you so much both as Evangaline and as Raicho. I wish I could have done anything to keep either of you safe.’

‘Anastasia. Mom, I just, I’m sorry, I taunted Arya to get her to kill you. I didn’t want her torturing you anymore. I’m sorry, because I know she made it painful in the end but I didn’t know how else to save you. I love you both so much. Violet, if there had been anything Raicho could have done to save you that day he would have.’

‘If I don’t make it out of this, I love you both more than I have words for. Please be safe.’

She laid her head back against the crystals that created the inside of the Holon. There was nothing else she could do. She was so tired and done with this whole situation.

Bun
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