Dear Diary,
This is my first entry, ‘cause I don’t normally do this. But, I saw some of the others writing their stuff and no one told me that was a thing. But, after meeting Michael’s… boyfriend? dad? It’s very ambiguous. Or not. I’m not an expert on angel relationships. Or human relationships. Oh, right. After meeting… crap. I think it was Lucas? Lemon? Lemon sounds right. Okay. After meeting Lemon, I sort of saw the benefit of this kind of stuff. Of the catharsis of it all. Like, I know I’m an addict! I don’t need the reminder from the crew every other second. You think the guy sucking on a fiber wire cable DOESN’T know he has a problem? Of course I know. But, also, they haven’t felt the electric zip a Fitbit connecting to your actual nerve endings. Or chasing down that Fitbit in the first place. Right. Lululemon showed me it’s good to verbalize this stuff. He was nice but, I mean, it was just nice to interact with someone not yelling at me. I don’t think you’ll yell at me. But, again, I’m new to this. Maybe you will. Anyway. What to write? Well, the ship is in love with me. That’s new. Normally, I’d be cool with it. Like, VERY cool with it. But, yeesh, talk about clingy. It wanted to be together forever and we’ve known each other for about a day. I’m no prude but that’s too soon. I mean, back on Earth, I was all alone. Or lone. I think I prefer saying lone because it’s less sad, but also, it’s more true. On Earth, it’s easier to slip through the cracks alone. No one to worry about, no one to worry about you. I was like a ghost on Earth, no one really knew I was there. It meant anything I found, anything I earned (or stole) was mine. You have no idea how much I miss that. I miss not caring about things or people. I miss plugging into strange devices. I miss finding the tech that was thrown away and that I could make new. I miss finding new tech and it being like Christmas every time. Remember iPods? I miss having iPods. The phones, the computers, the eyewear, the VR, I miss it so much. I can’t remember the last time these ports were used. I’m worried they’re not going to work when we get back to Earth. Or maybe I’ll never get back to Earth. This stupid Aaron lady or whatever her name is probably going to kill me. She seems ALL ABOUT ME. Worse than the ship. I think the ship means well, but Ashton (or Allison?) wants puppets but I’m not a puppet. I’m a man. A man alone. I make my own rules, I don’t beat to the rhythm of just one drum, what might be right for you, might not be right for some, Different Strokes. That’s what that’s from. I knew I heard it somewhere. Probably on an mp3 player. Whatever happened to that show? Did I watch it or just listen to that song? Or is it one of those things where I just know it because humans just know these type of things because they’ve become some sort of gross hive mind of pop culture and you have to know everything about everything or your not worth anything? Yeesh, I need a fix. Last thing I got was that pill. Normally, I don’t give an eff about pills, but that thing was tech to it’s core and it made me fly. Not literally, it just made me fast, but I was being metaphorical. I mean, the pill made me sick to my stomach, but what a rush. One of them has it, I just don’t remember who. Anyway, I think I have to break it off with the ship, make a clean break. After all, I’m not letting it tie me down. Again, that’s a metaphor. It was the group that literally tied me down. And then they get mad when I can’t help because I’m tied up! It’s like, I’m not hammer you can just throw in a toolbox when your done with it, I’m a person! I’ve got feelings! I mean, not the strong kind. They tend to be more like “I like this” or “I don’t like this”. Wow, I don’t think I ever verbalized that before! Wild, this thing is working! Oh, sorry. I meant this thing as in this process, not you. I don’t want to treat you the way London and E.T. have treated me. Those two! What a roller coaster! Throw me a cookie and then zap my butt with lightning! Pick a lane! Coda puts up with me, but, to be fair, I’m pretty sure she’s the reason I’m in this mess. I’m NOT saying she owes me, but if that’s how she felt, I wouldn’t correct her. If she felt like I deserved her unequipped right hand so that I could attach it to my right hand and than my hand would be more machine than man, I wouldn’t stop her! Does her hand detach? I haven’t asked. I’m sure if I did London and E.T. would tell me to fall into a well and then fill it up with water. At least Dante will come to my side every now and then but that guy is usually wasted. I shouldn’t judge (I might anyway…). And, Michael can be protective. But, I don’t think she knows any better, like, that I’m not worth it. That’s not me fishing for compliments. That’s just me knowing that, if I thought I was an angel, I would look for someone who has at least a LITTLE chance of crawling out of the gutter. Also, she’s strong. Like, she almost crushed my shoulders. You remember that gorilla who could sign language and had a pet kitten? The gorilla was very gentle with the kitten but the gorilla knew it’s own strength! I worry that I’m the kitten in this situation and that Micheal doesn’t realize she’s an 800 pound gorilla who’s going to squash me without meaning to! Or not. Maybe I’m being paranoid. Wow, I wish you were an iPad. Or a Nook. I would take a Nook right now, plug it in, download an app directly to my brain, yeah, that would be sweet. Okay, now I’m getting tired. I’m so tired these days. I just want to go home. I just want to go back to my alleys and abandoned basements and lie in a gutter until anyone who knew me forgets I was even there. Oh, crap. The ship is really hitting on me. Okay, I’m going to end this. I’m sure it will take it well. I’ll let you know.
Thanks for listening, Diary.
John
